Saving Olivia
by SVUObsession
Summary: When the squad finds out Olivia has been hiding a dark secret from her past, can they save her from the dirty habit consuming her life? E/O Self Harm
1. Chapter 1

**Saving Olivia**

It's a cold brisk night at the precint.

It's 2:30 am and Elliot and Olivia are the last ones left in the pen.

"Liv, why don't you go home and get some rest?" Elliot asked, more like subtly demanding.

Olivia was about to refuse, stay and finished her DD5s, but she was incredibly tired. She had a long week and barely got to go home, nevermind sleep.

"Fine fine, but you get some sleep tonight too"

She said before throwing her leather jacket on and heading home.

It was a long walk home. She had walked this route a million times, she knew it in her sleep. But the way she felt tonight, was empty.

She always felt kind of empty, no boyfriend or family.

But tonight it was different. She had no one to call to talk to.

No one to say goodnight to.

No one to wake up to.

She felt a numbness only one thing could fix.


	2. Chapter 2

Saving Olivia

Olivia arrives at home.

She feels empty, alone.

More so than ever.

But it isn't just the empty house, or the lonely feeling.

But Olivia is hiding a secret.

A secret that's destroying her.

The feelings are all buzzing in her head.

She tries to cry, the thing she never lets happen in front of others.

She just wants to be reminded she is human.

But no tears form.

None.

She reaches in her wallet. Smiling as she feels the cool metal touch.

The sharp tip. She pulls out her mini silver box cutter.

She almost smiles as she places the tool to her arm.

Knowing the feeling of relief, pain, sadness, and aliveness she is about to feel.

She presses down, but lightly. Just enough to break the skin.

But that's not enough.

She goes deeper, and harder. One slice, two, three.

She stops with seven gashes in her arm.

She loves the stinging feeling the air brings.

She finally peacefully drifts off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Saving Olivia

Olivia awakes slowly, drifting out of her deep sleep.

5:30 am, she was surprised.

Lately, she fell asleep at four and woke up at five if she was lucky.

Everytime she slept she had a nightmare.

The awful event replaying in her mind.

But last night, she slept from 3:00 to 5:30.

It was a relief to know she might be making progress.

She got up and dressed, making sure to wear a long sleeve black shirt.

Covering her arms where more important than being comfortable, even though it was so hot outside that day.

No one would think anything of it.

She walked into work with a fake smile.

Already knowing no one would notice the fakeness behind her "happiness".

She had been faking it for months.

Then, the only thing that made her nervous happened.

Huang was there, in the precinct.

This always made Olivia nervous because she felt he could read her.

She ran off to the crib, making one last gash before she went back to work.

Almost on auto-pilot, she continued her day like nothing happened.

She was in pain as she walked back to the pen, banging her arm on the desk.

Huang saw her face looking off and talked to her.

"Hey Olivia, how are you?"

"Fine, and I don't need a psychiatrist!" she spat back.

She instantly regretted her suspicious behavior.

"I-I'm sorry George, im just so tired." She said only half-lying.

Before he could reply, Cragen stepped closer, overhearing her yelling at the doctor, and her excuse.

"Go to the cribs and get some sleep Liv."

She reluctantly complied and went.


	4. Chapter 4

Saving Olivia

_Hey guys, before I start this chapter I was wondering how you guys like this story!_

_Any criticism, help, tips, compliments, anything would be great! Well I love you guys and thanks for the 196 views in one day! Please review (:_

Olivia sits in the crib, cradeling her head in her hands.

She is mad at herself, scratch that- _pissed._

She knew she needed to keep cool in front of Huang. She was stupid.

"_What the fuck is wrong with you" _Olivia yelled at herself.

"_Huang is going to find out you dumbass, he is going to know!"_

"_You're so stupid, you deserve everything you get!"_

She screamed at herself. She was about to scurry off to the bathroom when she heard Elliot say "Liv, whats wrong?"

"How-how long have you been there?" She replied nervously, dodging his question.

"I heard everything, whats Huang going to know? And what do you deserve?"

"STOP EAVESDROPPING AND MIND YOUR DAMN BUISNESS!" She spat before hurrying off to the bullpen.

She grabbed her coat and rushed out, after muttering something to fin about telling he captain she was sick and she left.

"What was that about?" Fin asked Elliot.

"No idea, but somethings going on with her."

Elliot was determined to find out what it was.

Elliot saw Huang in Cragens office and wasted no time.

He walked in without knocking, but before Cragen could spit out a sassy remark, Elliot shut the door.

"Captain, im worried about Olivia". "Why? Is she sick?" Cragen replied, nervously as he thought of her as a daughter.

"No, but this concerns Huang too. I saw her in the crib, she didn't see me at first. She seemed to be screaming at herself. Rambling on about how she was so stupid because Huang might know, and she deserved what she got."

"I had an encounter with her this morning, she acted very nervous and high strung." Huang replied to Elliot in a very serious tone.

_Please review, I love you (:_


	5. Chapter 5

Saving Olivia

"Hmm" Huang mumbled, thinking over on Livs behavior trying to find a pattern.

"Has she been acting strange lately?"

"Not that I've noticed" Cragen said, but Elliot stayed quiet.

"What Elliot, I need to know to help her."

"Captain, don't get mad, but I never told you that three times in the past two months, she has gotten…aggressive with child rapists and molesters. At firsts I thought it was out of character for her, but then I realized, these perps are scum. And I feel the same way she does. Does that mean anything?" Elliot stated, nervously.

"When did her odd behavior start?" Huang asked no one in particular.

"About two months ago, we had a case with a perp named Pollinsky.

He was a scum bag. He raped seven young girls, all fourteen to sixteen.

I remember this because he said something to her, and she punched him in the face. He cried police brutality and got a suspended sentence.

"What did he say to her, El?" Cragen asked quietly.

"He said 'nighty night livvy.' She went crazy and attacked him. He was just trying to get to her. His MO is that he would always say 'nighty night' to his victims. He played her for that assault charged, and it worked. Ever since she's been overly aggressive, secluded, and jumpy. I didn't really think much of it till now." Elliot said, now with apparent anger in his voice.


	6. Chapter 6

Saving Olivia

_Hey guys(: You like the story so far? Any suggestions for other stories? Thanks (: -K_

Elliot punched the wall as hard as he could. "I'm her partner and I didn't even realize she needed help!" "It's not your fault Elliot, blaming yourself won't help. There are many reasons she may be becoming secluded. Now, she became nervous around me, didn't want me to find out, which indicates some sort of psychological issue she is dealing with in secrecy. The way she snapped on Pollunsky could have just been instinctual, but the way he said 'nighty night livvy' that seemed more personal. Is it possible she may have known him?'

Huang was now solely talking to Elliot, knowing he knew her better than anyone else on the squad.

"She never told me she knew him, but the look in her eye when he was released, was hurt. I figured it was because she blamed herself. But maybe its more.."

"Well, lets look up this Pollunskys priors." It may help me know if she has arrested him before.

Cragen looked up the priors. Two DUIs and two domestic abuse calls.

"Where are the domestic abuse calls from?" Huang asked.

"They are from Manhatten, from a …."

_DUN DUN DUN! Cliffhanger !_


	7. Chapter 7

Saving Olivia

" Domestic abuse calls from Manhatten, from a….. Syrena Benson"

"I think im going to be sick Elliot said, realizing he knew Olivia, and Olivia knew him.

Olivia arrived at home. She was overwhelmingly mad at herself for letting it almost slip to Huang and Elliot. She had to punish herself. 'Im an idiot, no good idiot' she thought.

She drank a bottle of whiskey, rying to get the memories of him grabbing her wrists, holding her down, forcing his tongue down her throat.

All the terrible things that Pollunsky had done to her as a child.

Only fourteen years old, Her innocence stolen, her mother in the next room passed out drunk, ignoring her pleas for help.

She thought it was kind of ironic, fitting. "I couldn't defend myself then, and I got him off now." She said aloud, slurring her speech as the Whiskey started to take full affect.

She went into her bedroom and pulled out her all too familiar tool of choice. Her left arm was covered in cuts, so she moved to her right. Digging into her skin as she bleed. She finally cried. The last time she freely let herself cry was when she was fourteen, and she plead to her mom to stop dating 'Uncle Mark' or Pollunsky now. She cried to her mother, saying what had happened. But Syrena slapped Olivia hard on the face. "You lying tramp! You just want me to be alone!"

Ever since then, Olivia always fought back her tears.

She cried and cried. Pulled her sleeve down and drifted off to sleep.

"My best guess.." Huang said to Elliot as he calmed down a bit. "Is that Pollunsky abused Olivia as a child somehow. Maybe she didn't recognize him or remember, until he said 'nighty night livvy'. This probably triggered her memory of whatever he did to her cau-" He couldn't finish before Elliot cut him off.

"WE KNOW WHAT HE DID TO HER!" He screamed, unable to control his anger.

That was the only emotion he expressed.

"Calm down Elliot, we just need to find her, she has been hiding this for so long, she probably got so nervous when she thought I'd find out by her bizzare behavior she ran off. Who knows whats going through her head."

"I have an idea" Elliot says and pulled out his phone.


	8. Chapter 8

Saving Olivia

Olivia is awakened from her whiskey induced sleep, mostly sobered up, from the phone ringing.

"Benson" she replies. On the other end, Elliot tells her they have a big break on a case and to get there quick. She jumped up and brushed her hair. "Be there in twenty."

"She is on her way" Elliot told Huang.

Huang went inside of the interrogation room and waited. Once Olivia arrived, Elliot tricked her into going inside. He shut and locked the door behind her.

"Hu-Huang, why are you here? Not that I don't enjoy seeing you." She said with a forced chuckle.

"Hi Olivia, I just wanted to talk to you. You look nervous, are you okay?" He asked and quickly noted that she tensed up even more after his comment.

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, I just wanna talk." He said.

"Why did you guys trick me into talking to you Huang? What going on?

"That's what we want to know Olivia." He talked in such a warming, inviting tone she wanted to open up, to spill everything and cry on his shoulder. But she was too strong, too proud for that.

"Look, if this is about this morning, I told you I was just tired."

"No Olivia, you've been acting differently for months now. Whats going on?"

She took a breathe, beginning to speak. She was about to tell him, when she snapped to her senses. "I told you. Nothing. Its hot in here" She stated, quickly realizing that was a bad idea. "Why don't you take off your jacket and get more comfortable, I'll get you some water." Huang said.

Olivia started to panick. She went to sneak out but the door was locked. She banged on it. " YOU CANT LOCK ME IN HERE LIKE A SUSPECT!" She yelled. Huang came back in with the water.

"Olivia, why are you so eager to leave?"

"Youre treating me like a criminal, or a psyco?"

"You don't have to be 'psyco' to need a friend Olivia. We are all here for you."

"I don't need help! Olivia screamed. Huang hugged her, and she faught at first, but then she just let him hold her. When he pulled back he saw she was crying.

He mentally noted this breakthrough. Showing her emotions was a big step towards healing , he thought.

"Shh, im here liv, its okay." He repeatd until she sat down defeatedly. He know it would all come out.


	9. Chapter 9

Saving Olivia

"It's okay Liv, just tell me what happened" said Huang.

Meanwhile, Fin, Elliot, Cragen, and munch where looking through the glass into the room. All shocked at Olivia's tears.

"I- I can handle it myself. I am not weak." Olivia stated through wratched sobs.

"Olivia, no one is going to find you weak if you need help, no one is going to find you weak if you cry, if you hurt. We all know you're strong. It takes more strength and courage to admit something's wrong.

"I don't know where to start" Olivia admitted.

"Start from two months ago, the interrogation of 'Mike Pollunsky'.

The mere mention of his name sent shivers through her spine, Huang noticed her flinch and decided he needed to press her on the matter.

"Why did you hit him Liv? What happened?"

" He said- he said 'nighty night livvy'. I hate it when people call me 'livvy'."

"Why is that?" Huang prodded.

"I cant, I cant."

Huang pushed her further and further, "Tell me, why does it hurt you when people call you that? What did pollunsky do? Why did you hit him" She still didn't answer. He knew what he had to do, even though it would hurt her. He told her to relax and he shut off the light. "What are you doing?" She asked frantically.

"Nighty Night livvy" Huang said in a deep voice as he put his had on her shoulder. She freaked out, turned around and punched him in the face. She kept swinging, he squad tried to get in but the door was locked. "You bastard- you wont hurt me again!" she screamed. "Im defending myself this time! You ruined me!" She exclaimed. Just then, Elliot broke down the door and grabbed her off of him.


	10. Chapter 10

Saving Olivia

Olivia thrashed around in Elliots grip. He turned the light on and it took her a moment to realize where she was and what had happened.

"Oh my god George, im so sorry!" Olivia screamed. Elliot pulled her out of the room. Olivia just ran to the cribs. Once she got there she threw up in the bathroom for 15 minutes. Elliot ran in to check on her, she told him to leave, but he just held her. She finally fell asleep in his arms.

Once she fell asleep, Elliot went back to the bullpen. A paramedic was checking out Huang.

"That wont be necessary, I'm fine." He insisted as they left. Elliot went up to Huang, asking if he was really okay.

"Yes, just a bloody nose and a few bruises, that partner of yours really packs a punch." Huang chuckled.

"What the hell happened?" Elliot asked, he had seen what happened, but why had she reacted with such force.

"She had a flashback. She wouldn't have opened up to me, but it needed to be released. She had surpressed it for so long, she probably never told anyone.

Once I shut off the light so she could disassociate from me being me and replace me with Pollunsky, I established physical contact and repeated what he had said. She had a flashback to the attack and tried to defend herself. Its normal."

"What about the things she said?" Elliot asked.

"What she said during the attack pointed to her feeling insecure, feeling to blame for not fighting back hard enough, and being angry she hadn't saved herself. The most worrysome part was 'you ruined me'. This states she never forgot her attack, she has been suffering, but is also indicates a bigger issue. She hasn't been able to move on, she probably has done something reckless."

"What should I do doc?" Elliot asks wholeheartedly.

"Bring her down here to me, let me speak to her."

"Are you sure that's a good idea doc?" Cragen chimed in.

"Absolutely, she already partially confided in me, she will feel safer with me."

Elliot agreed and brought Olivia downstairs back into the interrogation room.

When she saw Huangs face, she erupted into tears. "Im so sorry George."

"It's okay Liv, I am fine. Are you okay?" Huang asked genuinely.

"Im fine, I just- I just- nothing." "Listen Olivia, I think after you beat my face in, I deserve the truth." Huang said, still in the warming tone he always had.

"Now tell me what happened". Olivia started slow, her tears not coming to an end anytime soon.

"I-I was fourteen. My mom had come home drunk. She was with her boyfriend mike. He was always a bad guy. He would beat my mother when they where both drunk."

'Keep going liv" Huang encouraged.


	11. Chapter 11

Saving Olivia

"One night, he and my mother drank until she passed out, which wasn't that odd. But something felt weird. He didn't just go to sleep. He came into my room. I could barely see his face, but I could clearly see it was him with my bedside lamp.

He said that I was a bad daughter, that I- I needed to be taught a lesson for doing what I was doing. My mother had caught me, and slapped me across the face."

"Your mother caught you what Liv?" Huang asked.

"I don't want to say" explained liv holding back tears.

"You need to Liv, I need to know." Huang said lowly.

"I-I had started, well, I- I hurt myself."

"He was punishing you for that?" Huang asked, deciding he'd revisit the fact of self harm later.

"Yes. He grabbed my wrists and held them together in one hand, he was so strong. I-I tried to stop him but I couldn't. He pinned his knees on my legs and, pushed inside of me. He wouldn't stop for two hours. It went on for a year." Olivia said, now full on sobbing.

"Olivia, this isn't your fault. You where just a kid, you couldn't have won a fight with a grown man. You survived, that's all that's important". Huang said compassionately.

Olivia wiped the tears from her face, snapping out of her emotional state.

"Uh, I gotta go" She said before trying to leave.

"Wait!" Huang yelled, grabbing Olivia's attention.

"What Huang?" She asked, almost annoyed.

"Olivia, are you hurting yourself again?"


	12. Chapter 12 FINALE

Saving Olivia

_I will be bringing this story to an end soon. Maybe later on I will revisit the story, but I will end it nicely (: thanks for reading my first fanfic!_

"What?" Olivia asked Huang, buying time. She had to think of how to get out of this, before he sent her to a hospital and everyone saw how pathetic she was.

"Olivia, are you still harming yourself? Its hot today, yet you're in long sleeves, you've been in emotional turmoil, I wouldn't blame you. You've become distant, just let me help you."

"I'm not 'harming myself' Huang." She almost cringed as she said that, she hated lying straight to George's face.

"Then let me see your arm, Liv"

" I don't have to, you're not my boss. Im not being subjectified to this."

Just then, cragen walked in, listening in from the glass window. Olivia didnt know that.

"I am your boss Liv, now show him."

Olivia reluctantly and slowly pulled up her sleeve, releasing several gasps from outside of the interrogation room looking through the window.

"Olivia, I need to take you to the hospital. These are very deep, and there are so many. They could be infected." Huang says.

"They aren't Huang, im fine." Olivia lied.

"Go, now." Cragen ordered. Even though he ordered her, it was in a strict, yet sympathetic tone.

Once Olivia got to Mercy General, Huang explained to the doctor. He sat with her while the doctor came in and checked the gashes.

"You're lucky you came in when you did." Doctor Mastifon explained. "This gash, which appears to have been inflicted no more than an hour ago, is deep. If you moved in the wrong way to open it even a little, which you would have, you could have beled to death." The doc stitched Olivia up, gave her discharge papers, and told Huang she cant be alone at home until she is better. She rolled her eyes, but complied.

"How are you feeling?" Huang prodded.

"I'm fine George." That was always her answer.

He was about to speak, but Elliot came in.

"Huang, can you wait outside?"

"Sure Elliot." Huang replied before leaving.

"Olivia, I have something to tell you." Urged Elliot. But before he could finish, Olivia spoke up.

"Don't feel bad about any of this El, and don't give me sympathy." She sad in a harsh, yet understandable tone.

"Liv, you don't get it. I've been trying to tell you for weeks. I- I love you Liv."

"No you don't, El, you feel bad. Don't do this, don't make me feel wanted because you pity me."

"I could never pity you, Liv. You are the strongest, most beautiful, most amazing, perfect, strong woman I've ever known. I love you."

"I love you too El, for now, and forever."

They kissed passionately. "C'mon Liv, you're staying with me."

Elliot said. "Okay El. I love you so much." "Me too liv, me too."


End file.
